AJ

Almost 20 years.  A couple of years less than half my life my daughter Aj has been by my side.  Thru thick and thin, Ups and Downs, Tragedy and Successes.  She has been by my side.  Last night, almost casually, she said, “Mom I’m moving out in the next couple of weeks”.   Every fiber of my being wanted to scream.  “NO, don't do it.  It is scary out there.  “   I sat calmly and asked all the important questions.  Where, with who, etc.   Then she walked upstairs and started to pack and I let it sink in.   I do not know how to explain that my heart is breaking and I am very happy for her all at the same time.  I do not understand how I feel that she is making a huge mistake and a great first step all at the same time.   She is a good kid and I raised her right. I know that I laid a strong foundation down for her to build upon.  It still hurts, like a bad breakup hurt, like a weight is sitting on my chest hurt, like I feel like I could break out in tears at any moment hurt.    I want to tell her Wait….I’m not done being your mom yet.  I am so sorry for all the shit I did wrong.  Can’t you just stay a little longer? Please?